“For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father also will forgive you; but if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
Matthew 6:14-15
The entire section of the Sermon on the Mount covered in Matthew 6:5-15 is labeled in many Bibles is labeled “Concerning Prayer” or “On Prayer.” In it, Christ tells us to pray in secret and not to make a spectacle of prayer (v. 5-6). He teaches not to use many words which can become meaningless when we pray (v. 7-8). And in v. 9-13, He offers us the consummate example of prayer, the Lord’s Prayer. Having finished the Lord’s Prayer, He returns immediately to the subject of forgiveness, which was just given in the Lord’s Prayer (And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors) and highlights it again, offering basically the same words again, for emphasis that forgiveness is a central concept to Christianity.
Again, in this passage, just as in the Lord’s Prayer, the word which appears as “forgive” is the word “afite” and “afisi” which comes from the word afeseos which means to not only overlook, but to remit, or completely wipe out the record of sin.
In these verses, Jesus reveals four kinds of forgiveness/remission: Forgiveness from God, forgiveness from others, forgiveness of others and forgiveness of ourselves.
Just as there is a difference between forgiveness and remission, there is also a difference between confession and repentance. Confession is a recognition that we have sinned. Repentance is a plan to correct sinful behavior. Just like the intention of God in the concept of forgiveness is for us to work towards remission, His intention in us recognizing sin in ourselves is for us to not only recognize it but correct it.
In Luke 15: 11-32, we read the story of the Prodigal Son, the well-known parable of the two sons, one of which asked for his share of his father’s property, and then went away into a far country where he squandered and wasted it. In Luke 17-19, we read But when he came to himself, he said, “How many of my father’s hired servants have bread enough and to spare, but I perish here with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and I will say to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; I am no longer worthy to be called your son; treat me as one of your hired servants.’” The coming to himself moment was the moment of confession, the moment of realization that he had done wrong. In that moment, the son realized that even his father’s servants were living better than he was. The moment of repentance was the moment he accepted his situation as wrong, and made a plan to correct and atone for it. His plan did not involve asking the father for restoration to his former status. It involved humility, and asking for mercy from the father, to be treated even as a servant, in exchange for food. He didn’t ask for everything to be forgotten, but rather for some mercy. The response of the father was complete restoration—he put a ring on the son’s finger, a sign that he was still part of the family. And he put shoes on his feet. The shoes are important, because the son came home barefoot and tattered. In giving him shoes, he was providing the means for the son to potentially run away again. He was restoring the son’s freedom and dignity.
And that’s how God forgives us—He hears our confession, He accepts our repentance, and He restores our freedom and dignity. This is how the sacrament of confession is supposed to work as well. We accept the forgiveness of God, and go away with restored freedom and dignity.
Our forgiveness from others is supposed to work in the same way. We should ask forgiveness from others when we have done wrong. We should make a plan to do better going forward in the relationship. This is ideally how we are supposed to forgive one another. We cannot demand forgiveness from others. We can only ask for it. Asking for forgiveness frees us.
Our forgiveness of others is necessary for two reasons. First, if we expect God to forgive us, we also must forgive one another. Both in these verses and in the Lord’s Prayer, we are essentially saying that God will wipe away our record of sins in the same way that we wipe away the record of the sins of others. The second reason is that forgiving others also frees us. There is a saying: Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. When we withhold forgiveness, we actually poison ourselves.
The last kind of forgiveness is forgiveness of ourselves. Lots of people struggle with this. Here is a philosophical question I often ask people in confession, when they confess to God, and ask His forgiveness, but are having a hard time forgiving themselves. The dialogue goes something like this:
Father (to person coming to confession): Do you believe in the power of God to forgive sins?
Penitent (person coming to confession): Yes.
Father: Do you believe that God is greater than you, equal to you, or less than you?
Penitent: God is greater.
Father: If the greater entity (God), can forgive the lesser entity (you), shouldn’t the lesser entity (you) be able to forgive yourself?
Penitent: Yes.
Part of our faith in God involves accepting that God can forgive us, and then forgiving ourselves.
The sacrament of confession is a means to forgiveness, remission and repentance. All of these need to be ongoing frequently between ourselves, others and God. Going to confession and asking God to forgive us hopefully makes it easier for us to forgive others, whether they ask for it or not.
To Thee, O Lord, I lift up my soul. O my God, in Thee I trust, let me not be put to shame; let not my enemies exult over me. Yea, let none that wait for Thee be put to shame; let them be ashamed who are wantonly treacherous. Make me to know Thy ways, O Lord; teach me Thy paths. Lead me in Thy truth, and teach me; for Thou art the God of my salvation; for Thee I wait all the day long. Be mindful of Thy mercy, O Lord, and of Thy steadfast love, for they have been from of old. Remember not the sins of my youth, or my transgressions; according to Thy steadfast love remember me, for Thy goodness’ sake O Lord! Good and upright is the Lord; therefore He instructs sinners in the way. He leads the humble in what is right, and teaches the humble His way. All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep His covenant and His testimonies. .For Thy name’s sake, O Lord, pardon my guilt, for it is great. Who is the man that fears the Lord? Him will He instruct in the way that he should choose. He himself shall abide in prosperity and his children shall possess the land. The friendship of the Lord is for those who fear Him, and He makes known to them His covenant. My eyes are ever toward the Lord, for He will pluck my feet out of the net. Turn Thou to me, and be gracious to me; for I am lonely and afflicted. Relieve the troubles of my heart, and bring me out of my distresses. Consider my affliction and my trouble, and forgive all my sins. Consider how many are my foes, and with what violent hatred they hate me. Oh guard my life, and deliver me; let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in Thee. May integrity and uprightness preserve me, for I wait for Thee. Redeem Israel, O God, out of all his troubles. Psalm 25
Point to ponder: Which of the four types of forgiveness—forgiveness from God, forgiveness from others, forgiveness of others and forgiveness of ourselves—is the most challenging for you?
