Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassion, kindness, lowliness, meekness, and patience, forbearing one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.
Colossians 3:12-14
A significant part of the concept of love involves forgiveness. Love cannot work without forgiveness. In every relationship—our relationship with God and our relationships with one another—there is imperfection. While God remains perfect, our relationship with Him is not. Each time we commit a sin, we are putting an imperfection between us and God. Each time we wrong another person, we are putting an imperfection between us and them. The only way that any relationship can work is with forgiveness.
In Psalm 130:3-4, we read, If Thou, O Lord, shouldst mark iniquities, Lord, who could stand? But there is forgiveness with Thee.” Indeed, if the Lord were to keep track of our sins, no one could stand before Him. And with the same token, if we kept track of the sins others committed against us, or they kept track of the sins we committed against them, no relationship could survive. Someone recently asked me how I’ve been able to serve in my community for over twenty years and my answer is “they are very forgiving.”
There is a need within each of us to be forgiven. When there is no forgiveness in a relationship, walls are built between people. It is difficult to communicate without walking on eggshells. It becomes nearly impossible to love someone you are angry with, or who is angry with you. And if there is no love, there is probably going to be little trust, things in common will disappear, and the relationship will be fighting just to maintain respect and civility. A withholding of forgiveness results in guilt and shame, and these threaten the abundant life that Christ wants us to have. Every relationship must have forgiveness as one of the pillars on which it stands.
Psalm 103:8-9 says The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. He will not always chide, nor will He keep His anger forever. And Psalm 103:17 reminds us that the steadfast love of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting. Both of these passage indicate that the Lord is generous in forgiveness, and this is how we should be with one another. We should be quick to forgive, slow to anger, easy to entreat. Imagine if every relationship worked like that!
In Colossians 3:12-13, St. Paul encourages us to have compassion, kindness, lowliness, meekness and patience, forbearing one another, and if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. He continues in verse 14, writing that it is love which binds everything together in perfect harmony. However, it is forgiveness that allows us to maintain loving relationships, since each relationship is corrupted to a degree because of sin.
We must forgive one another. We must be forgiven by one another. Forgiveness is an increasingly challenging proposition in the modern world. To admit wrong creates uncertainty whether we will actually be forgiven or suffer reprisal. So we become less apt to forgive and more likely to either to either stonewall, or to mitigate our wrongdoings rather than owning them. Cultivating a culture of forgiveness would bring more honesty and openness. If we were to create a sample conversation about forgiveness it might go something like this:
Person A: I’m sorry, but I had a reason.
Person B: I forgive but I keep a record.
There is a difference between saying “I’m sorry” and “Please forgive me.” It is similar to the difference between telling someone “I’m a little short on money” and “Can I borrow $10?” When someone says “I’m a little short on money,” the other person can just shrug their shoulders, no action is necessarily required. But when someone asks for $10, there is a required response—either yes or no. It’s the same thing with saying “I’m sorry” or “please forgive me.” When someone says “I’m sorry”, the other person can just shrug their shoulders. But when someone says “please forgive me,” a response is required. Either “yes, I forgive you,” or “no, I can’t forgive you but here is the path to forgiveness.” The word “forgive” is actually very underutilized and undervalued in relationships. It would be healthy to use the word “forgive,” for someone to ask “please forgive me” and for the other person to offer “I forgive you.”
There is one other kind of forgiveness that is necessary and that many struggle with, and that is accepting God’s forgiveness and forgiving ourselves. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard a confession and the person confessing says “I cannot forgive myself.” If God is greater than us and He can forgive us, then we must forgive ourselves. If God is the greater entity and we are the lesser entity, if the greater entity can forgive the lesser entity, then the lesser entity must be able to forgive itself. This is both a theological reality as well as a philosophical one. Being able to ask for the forgiveness of God is a crucial part of being a Christian. So is accepting the forgiveness of God and part of this involves forgiving ourselves.
Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. Blessed is the man to whom the Lord imputes no iniquity, and in whose spirit there is no deceit. When I declared not my sin, my body wasted away though my groaning all day long. For day and night Thy hand was heavy upon me; my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer. I acknowledged my sin to Thee, and I did not hide my iniquity; I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord”; then Thou didst forgive the guilt of my sin. Therefore let everyone who is godly offer prayer to Thee; at a time of distress, in the rush of great waters, they shall not reach him. Thou art a hiding place for me, Thou preservest me from trouble; Thou dost encompass me with deliverance. I will instruct you and teach you the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you. Be not like a horse or a mule, without understanding, which must be curbed with bit and bridle, else it will not keep with you. May are the pangs of the wicked; but steadfast love surrounds him who trusts in the Lord. Be glad in the Lord, and rejoice, O righteous, and shout for joy, all you upright in the Lord! Psalm 32
No relationship can stand without forgiveness. This includes our relationship with God and with one another. If the greatest commandments are that we are to love God and love our neighbor, then we must be able to go to God and ask for forgiveness, as our neighbor for forgiveness, forgive our neighbor whether he asks for it or not, and accept the forgiveness of God by forgiving ourselves.
