Either make the tree good, and its fruit good; or make the tree bad, and its fruit bad; for the tree is known by its fruit. You brood of vipers! How can you speak good, when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. The good man out of his good treasure brings forth good, and the evil man out of his evil treasure brings forth evil. I tell you, on the day of judgment men will render account for every careless word they utter; for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.
Matthew 12:33-37
The definition of a role model is someone that people look up to and want to emulate. The problem with many people we view as role models is that we only see them at their best and we tend to idolize people that we only see the best side of. Think of popular athletes that we look up to. We see them under the lights of the athletic field, we choose to see mostly their successes. We don’t see them in the gym, toiling to prepare for competition. We don’t see their moments of doubt or frustration. We don’t see their families, that maybe that have struggles in their marriage or with their children.
When we read the lives of the saints, not their writings, but just the general overview of their stories, we don’t necessarily see their struggles either. Writings by the saints might reveal some of those struggles. However, we don’t largely read about the doubts and temptations of the saints.
Under the challenges of “being a good role model,” we find two things. The first is the desire to be a role model, an example. There’s probably a percentage of the population for whom this is not a goal. When one is concerned with the behavior they are modeling, they are more likely to be careful. If being a role model isn’t important, there won’t likely be as much care in what someone is doing. The second challenge is that for those who are trying to be a role model, whether as a parent, a boss, a coach or any other type of role where someone is going to look up to you, is that if people get a close enough look at us, they will see things that are not worthy of imitation. There is the fear of coming off as a hypocrite.
People who see me only on Sundays, or who only read my messages, don’t see the entire me. They don’t see struggles and failures. People who are the closest to me see these things, and then it becomes hard to be considered a role model for them when it comes to being a person of faith, or worse yet, a faith leader.
We all want our kids to look up to us as parents, and yet we all have our moments we wish they didn’t see. Same for those who are bosses, or coaches, or anyone else in leadership. Two pieces of advice for people who are challenged with this. First, talk with your family, team, staff periodically about how you are a human being, who has struggles and makes mistakes. Part of the angst I feel towards politicians is they rarely say that they aren’t perfect. I would find that actually refreshing if a politician said occasionally “well I don’t have ALL the answers.” Of course, the media would seize on that, and so these people we put on pedestals live a less than authentic public existence because they always have to say that they are right, even though we know that no one is always right. Being in a position of authority and being able to say “I’m not right 100% of the time make one human, and authentic and I think bolsters one’s position as a role model.
Second, be more vigilant. If one is in a position of authority, he or she “sets the temperature in the room” (as one of my friends is helpful in reminding me). If people are going to look up to you as a parent, a boss, a teacher, and as a Christian, that comes with some responsibility to be worthy of their admiration. I find myself saying more frequently “we (priests) are not saints.” And that’s true. “Sainthood” is a title bestowed on someone after their life is complete. The word “saint” in Greek is “Agios” (or “Agia” for women). And while that word is attached to holy people who we recognize after their death as saints, it is a state of being for those of us who are alive. Because the word “Agios” literally means “set apart.” In the Divine Liturgy, when the priest says before Holy Communion, “Ta Agia tis Agiis,” which we translate, “The Holy Gifts for the holy people of God,” the more literal translation is “the set apart things (the consecrated bread and wine, which are now the Body and Blood of Christ) for the set apart people.” And the “set apart people” are not the people who have obtained holiness, but the people who are working to obtain it, the people who are struggling. Part of the struggle is the setbacks we all suffer because of sin, but the greatest thrust of the struggle is how we rebound from those setbacks, whether we are repentant and to what degree. One cannot be a saint in this life. However, one can strive to live a “saintly” life, in the sense that they try to set themselves apart and live for God, and obviously, we all fall short on this which is where repentance comes in.
Thus, if you are struggling to be a role model for your children, your co-workers, your team, or if you are a priest, your congregation, be vigilant in working hard to set the temperature in the room in a way that is Christian, but also be authentic enough to admit that none of us has all the answers all the time, and no one gets it right all the time.
Lord, You are the model for us all. Thank You for the many saints who in each generation have modeled what it is to live for You. Thank You for all the people in my life who model authentic Christianity, both its triumphs and its struggles. Help me to be a role model of authentic Christianity to those around me. Help me to strive for holiness, to be careful in my thoughts, words and deeds. And when I fall, help me to be both purposeful in repentance, and humble enough to make amends with others. Amen.
We put our role models on unrealistic pedestals. If you are a role model to someone, be vigilant in being worthy of their admiration. And be authentic in the times you are less than perfect with humility and repentance.
