When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?” He said to Him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Feed my lambs.” A second time He said to him, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Tend my sheep.” He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” Peter was grieved because He said to him the third time, “Do you love me?” And he said to Him, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep. Truly, truly, I say to you, when you were young, you girded yourself and walked where you would; but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will gird you and carry you where you do not wish to go.” (This he said to show by what death he was to glorify God.) And after this He said to him, “Follow me.” Peter turned and saw following them the disciple whom Jesus loved, who had lain close to his breast at the supper and had said, “Lord, who is it that is going to betray you?” When Peter saw him, he said to Jesus, “Lord, what about this man?” Jesus said to him, “If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you? Follow me!” The saying spread abroad among the brethren that this disciple was not to die; yet Jesus did not say to him that he was not to die, but, “If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you?” This is the disciple who is bearing witness to these things, and who has written these things; and we know that his testimony is true. But there are also many other things which Jesus did; were every one of them to be written, I suppose that the world itself could not contain the books that would be written.
John 21: 15-25
The word “love” in the English language is used for describing the most intimate of relationships: “I love my spouse,” or “I love my child.” It is also used to describe mundane things like “I love pizza.” In the Greek language, there are many words for love. Agape is the highest form of love. It is sacrificial. It is the kind of love we are supposed to have for our spouses, our children, our close friends, and our Lord. It’s the kind of love that God has for us. It’s the kind of love that Christ had when He was nailed to the cross and still found the capacity to forgive those who were killing Him.
Filia is a friendship kind of love. Filos/Fili means friend in Greek. Friendships are important, but they are not like family. Some friends stay in our lives for a long time. They are in the agape category. However, many friends come and go and do not make it into that category.
In the Scripture reading that accompanies this reflection, Jesus approaches Simon Peter and asks him, “Do you love Me more than these?” And Jesus uses the verb “Agapas Me?” Meaning, “Do you love Me with agape love, the kind of love where you’d die for Me?” Peter answers, but the verb he uses is filo which translates into “I love You, but more like a friend.” Jesus asks Him a second time, “Do you love Me?” and again uses the verb form of agape. And Peter again answers with the verb form of filia. Then Jesus asks the third time “Do you love Me?” and this time He uses the verb form of filia. Peter is now grieved that Jesus has asked him the same question three times, but somehow, Peter again answers the question with the verb form of filia. Then Jesus gently tells Peter that Peter eventually will die for his faith. He doesn’t come right out and say it, but He hints that when Peter is older, he will be girded and taken where he does not wish to go.
If Peter is the rock on which the church is built, we are all descendants of Peter and inheritors of not only the Church, but the same question Jesus asked Peter, “Do you love Me?” but not only that, do we love Jesus with agape, the kind of love where we’d sacrifice our lives for Him? Or do we love Him more as a friend? A friend that might come and go in the various seasons of life, a friend we might lose touch with, a friend we might not get to hang out with for a month. It is critical that we consider our answer. Because either we love Christ with agape or we don’t. We are either willing to sacrifice for Him or we are not. We can either put Him as the center of life and put life around Him, or we can put ourselves at the center and figure out where to fit everything else, including Him, around ourselves.
The initial question was “Do you love Me more than these?” If Jesus posed this question to you, what are the “these” in your life? More than family? Phone? Food? Popularity? Image? Possessions? Good times? Remember in that initial question, Jesus used the word agape, in other words are you willing to choose Me even if it means sacrificing these—our family, our phone, food, popularity, image possessions and good times. What are we willing to sacrifice for Christ? Are there things we are unwilling to sacrifice?
Jesus instructs Peter, “Feed my lambs” (21:15) and “Tend my sheep.” (21:16) Because love is not just words but actions. If Peter loves the Lord, that love will manifest itself in actions that please the Lord. In Peter’s case, since Jesus made Peter the rock on which the Church was to be built, the most important thing that the Church does is to feed the flock with the words of Jesus. If we love the Lord, then our love must manifest itself in action. For some of us that action is preaching and teaching, for others it is singing, for others it is making sure our children know the Lord, for some of us it is financial commitment (really that is a call for all of us). For all of us, there has to be some sacrificial giving.
We know that Peter denied Jesus three times, after he swore he would not. The three-time questioning of Peter by Jesus was in some sense, an opportunity to say “yes” to make up for the three times he says “no”. Peter, now restored as the rock of the Church, does something odd. Rather than thank the Lord for forgiving the denial, and also thanking Him for not yelling at him as he got the answer to the question “Do you love Me” (with agape) wrong three times, Peter immediately turns to a material thought, “What about John? Is he going to have to die?” Jesus basically answers Peter, “That is not your concern. YOU follow me.” In a society where we constantly seem to be comparing ourselves to others and there are constant comparisons between people, Jesus is reminding us not to look around at others, or to consider how we are in relation to others, but that we are to follow Him. Don’t worry about what others are or aren’t doing. We follow. And we leave judgment to the Lord. We will be judged on what we do, not on what others do.
Lord, help me to love You with Agape love. Help me to understand why You are to come in front of the other things in my life. Help me to understand how I am supposed to do that. Stir me not just to words of belief but actions that reflect my love for You. Help me to keep my eyes on the prize, salvation, rather than on others. Thank You Lord for the gift of Your sacrificial love, agape, for me. Amen.
Do we love Christ with sacrificial agape love, or merely as a friend, with filia? Is there anything we love more than Him? Does our life reflect that?
