Then Peter came up and said to Him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven time, but seventy times seven.” Matthew 18:21-22
Today’s reflection is an answer to an email I received recently from a Prayer Team member that asked this question:
A question I’ve been struggling with for a few months now is the embarrassment of going back to confession with the same sins to confess as last time. I feel like I haven’t improved at all. How do I deal with this?
There are a LOT of people who have this same question, which is why I want to address it for the Prayer Team. There are a few answers. The easiest answer is that when we go to confession, it’s like going to the doctor. We go to the doctor for one of two reasons, we are either acutely sick or we need a regular checkup. Those are the same two reasons we go to confession—either we are in some acute sin, or we need a spiritual checkup.
I’ve struggled with weight most of my life. I will probably struggle with it for the rest of my life. At every doctor appointment, I hear the same thing—you’ve got to watch your weight. Sometimes the doctor is pleased, he will tell me weight is looking better. Sometimes he is disappointed, he will tell me to take it more seriously. There is never a time when he says, “It is all good, you don’t need to try anymore.” When I go to the doctor, I always go with the idea of doing better. When the doctor gives me a pep talk about weight, I always make an effort for a while after the appointment to really watch it. I do not have a bag of donuts in the car to eat when the appointment is done. Over time, I sometimes regress to bad habits, sometimes not very much and sometimes more. Then I go back, for another exam, another pep talk and then I get more serious. While I’m still overweight, I weigh less than I did a year ago. While I still eat junk food, I eat less than I did a year ago. I dare say I’m trending in the right direction, but I still have a long way to go. If I didn’t go for an exam, I wouldn’t know how I’m doing, I wouldn’t have a chance to receive advice, I wouldn’t be challenged to make a new start or offered an opportunity for one. There are a lot of good things to be taken away from a doctor appointment that I won’t get if I never go, even if I go with the same struggle.
Most of us have struggled with a specific sin or a sinful tendency for our entire lives. There is a bad habit, or maybe an insecurity, a doubt, or something else that continually trips us up spiritually, like my weight does physically. At every confession we bring the same thing—and probably we hear the same thing, we’ve got to do better. Now let’s say you are struggling with gossiping. This describes most people—staying away from gossip is a lifelong challenge for many. If you are on the way to confession and you are already planning on who you are going to gossip with once confession is over, the confession is probably a waste of time. Just like if I have a bag of donuts in the car to eat after the doctor appointment is over. If we go into confession not only with an idea of what we are doing wrong but with a plan to improve on it, then we should go. Again, let’s say the sin is gossip. You gossip a lot. Then you go to confession, you come up with a plan to rid yourself of gossip. Chances are you may be strong on that for a while, and at some point you may fall back into a bad habit. So, come again for confession and figure out a different way to attack the problem.
Going to confession helps me map out different strategies to keep my weight in check, to pray consistently, and to not have my mind wandering in worship, three real things that I struggle with. I appreciate God’s forgiveness and the insight of my spiritual father. Am I embarrassed when I go to confession and have to repeat the same sins? Of course. If I’m doing less of them, I do take a sense of encouragement away from that. Yes, I’ve sinned in a certain way, but I’m sinning less, and I go away motivated to sin even less. If for some reason I’m doing more of a certain sin, I get motivated to improve. I don’t want to have to tell my spiritual father that I’m doing worse at something than I was before. It doesn’t bother me to tell him I’m still struggling with something, but I am motivated to tell him I’m struggling less.
If you are coming to confession already planning to sin, it’s probably not a good idea to come. However, if you are planning to repent and improve, come, and come without anxiety. God knows that in most ways, we will end up sinning again. Repentance, however, doesn’t mean to lead a sinless life. It means to keep our life centered on Christ at all times. Give Him your heart. It means renewing your spiritual efforts which will naturally result in fewer sins and a closer relationship with Christ. Come to confession with a plan that you can say in front of the Lord on how you plan to lessen sins in their totality in your life. Yes, there are certain sins that need to be stopped in their entirety—abuse of drugs or alcohol are an example. I wouldn’t tell the drug user, well keep using but use less. That is something that needs to be cut out entirely.
Sin occurs when there is a void that needs to be filled. When a person feels full, they do not sin. People sin when they feel empty in some way. Use confession to talk not only your sins but about the voids in your life that you fill with sins and how to fill them. Fill the voids and fewer sins will follow.
Create in me a clean heart, O God, and put a new and right spirit within me. Cast me not away from Thy presence, and take not Thy Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Thy salvation and uphold me with a willing spirit.
One last thing, if God tells us to forgive one another even to seventy times seven (490 times), don’t you think he has an even greater capacity to forgive us? So keep coming, keep talking and keep improving!
The Revised Standard Version of the Bible is copyrighted 1946, 1952, 1971, and 1973 by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the U.S.A. and used by permission. From the Online Chapel of the Greek Orthodox Archdiocese of America.
