He who pursues righteousness and kindness will find life and honor.
Proverbs 21:21
Many of us are familiar with the nine Fruit of the Spirit, as revealed in Galatians 5:22-23: Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. We are supposed to grow and nurture these traits within ourselves. When we think of these, we often come at them in a self-centered way, so that we are the beneficiaries of them. Take for example, self-control. When we think of self-control, one of the first things that comes to mind is our diet. We think “if I could get more self-control, I’d be healthier, live longer, look better.” In this example, we are the beneficiary of the self-control, it doesn’t benefit our neighbor at all.
Let’s look at joy. Who doesn’t want to have more joy in life? We might even twist this fruit around and say to ourselves “God wants me to have joy. Buying this 200-inch TV will bring me joy. Awesome, I’ll buy the TV. Joy cultivated!” Again, the development of this fruit benefits us, and I suppose we can convince ourselves that it helps our neighbor the next time we have friends over and watch something together. But you get the point. The Fruit of the Spirit are not just things we grow in ourselves for our benefit, but rather for the benefit of others. We should start to look at our cultivation of the Fruit of the Spirit through the lens of those around us.
For today’s message, I want to focus on kindness. We have the opportunity every day to be kind or unkind to people around us. Probably the most common example of unkindness is the extra criticism, correction, or observation that should be kept to ourselves. We are so sensitive in this world with comments about “inclusiveness” and making sure everyone feels included, whether we know them or not, and at the same time, we are often unkind to the people who are right around us. That seems to be a conflict in terms. There is a saying “you only hurt the ones you love.” That statement makes no sense actually. We fight for the rights of people we don’t know, and we even fight for rights that we don’t intend to share in. But then we look at those closest to us and have no problem saying things that are unkind to them. Think about how often we say something unkind to our spouses, our children, our parents, and our close friends.
Here’s a goal for this week. Work on measuring your words. Think before you speak. Ask yourself, “Is what I am about to say really necessary?” For example, is it really necessary to nag my child yet again about doing his homework, or to correct my spouse on his or her driving? Maybe the answer is yes to these questions, but can we offer criticism in a way that is constructive instead of critical, and must we correct every single thing, or can we save correction for the things that really need correcting? When your spouse is struggling with a weight problem, must he be reminded of it every day? And if your child is struggling to get good grades, must they be reminded every day that they are struggling?
There is a fine line between encouragement and nagging, and thinking about kindness might be a helpful way to walk that fine line. Perhaps a good question to ask ourselves is “will this comment be helpful or hurtful?” Is the net effect of this comment that someone will be motivated, or discouraged? And can I make this comment in a way that is intentionally kind, even if it must be corrective? We need cheerleaders more than we need compliance officers in our lives. We need encouragement more than we need nagging.
This isn’t to say we shouldn’t correct people when they make a mistake. Or that we should yell at our children if they are about to touch a hot stove. Yes, yelling is a good idea if your child is about to do something that will hurt them. But yelling because your child didn’t do well on a math test isn’t really going to lead to anything positive. Yelling at one’s spouse is not really necessary in any circumstance. Same thing with yelling at a co-worker. If you are the boss and your employee is doing something wrong, there should be correction, feedback and even constructive criticism. But it’s how we deliver the message.
St. Paul wrote, concerning the Fruit of the Spirit, that against such there is no law. In other words, it is never wrong to be kind. In Proverbs 21:21, we read “He who pursues righteousness and kindness will find life and honor.” The Proverbs are supposed to be helpful pieces of advice for life. And so many of the mistakes we make in life are due to our lack of kindness.
Praise the Lord! For it is good to sing praises to our God; for He is gracious, and a song of praise is seemly. The Lord builds up Jerusalem; He gathers the outcasts of Israel. He heals the brokenhearted, and binds up their wounds. He determines the number of the stars, He gives to all of them their names. Great is our Lord, and abundant in power; His understanding is beyond measure. The Lord lifts up the downtrodden, He casts the wicked to the ground. Sing to the Lord with thanksgiving; make melody to our God upon the lyre! He covers the heavens with clouds, He prepares rain for the earth, He makes grass grow upon the hills. He gives to the beasts their food, and to the young ravens which cry. His delight is not the strength of the horse, nor His pleasure in the legs of a man; but the Lord takes pleasure in those who fear Him, in those who hope in His steadfast love. Praise the Lord, O Jerusalem! Praise your God, O Zion! For He strengthens the bars of your gates; He blesses your sons within you. He makes peace in your borders; He fills you with the finest of the wheat. He sends forth His command to the earth; His word runs swiftly. He gives snow like wool; He scatters hoarfrost like ashes. He casts forth His ice like morsels; who can stand before His cold? He sends forth His word, and melts them; He makes His wind blow, and the waters flow. He declares His word to Jacob, His statutes and ordinances to Israel. He has not dealt thus with any other nation; they do not know His ordinances. Praise the Lord! Psalm 147
Ask yourself these questions often: Is what I am about to say really necessary? And if it is, can I say it in a way that is kind, rather than unkind?
