“It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of unchastity, makes her an adulteress; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”
Matthew 5: 31-32
Marriage is the first sacrament mentioned in the Bible. In Genesis 2, we read how God created man, and desired to “make a helper fit for him.” (Genesis 2:18) God made man the master of all the animals and man named each one. But for the man there was not found a helper fit for him. (Genesis 2:20) God created woman from man, by taking one of the man’s ribs, creating woman, by the sharing of the same flesh. This idea of sharing of flesh would also be the way to continue the human race. In Genesis 2:24-25, we read Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. This is the ideal of marriage—that a man and woman come together as one flesh, one body, one life. They leave their parents and set up their own kingdom and are unashamed in their relationship.
The entrance of sin into the world also ushered in the entrance of shame. Right after partaking of the forbidden tree, Genesis 3, man and woman realized their nakedness before God and put on leaves to hide it. In the ideal marriage, man and woman are allowed to be in the same posture they were in before the fall, to be naked and unashamed before God and before one another. The intention of marriage is for a couple to be together forever. Jesus will say later in Matthew, that a married couple “are not longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder.” (Matthew 19:6)
The problem with anything in this world is that we are still in a fallen and sinful world. Our breakdown and sin enter every corner of life, including marriage. There is no perfect marriage, just as there is no perfect person. Thus, the issue becomes what to do in a marriage that is marked by sin and shame, where couples are not, or cannot live in the state that God intended them to live in, because of their own sinfulness or their lack of commitment. Jesus, in this section of the Sermon on the Mount, takes a very strict stand with the idea of divorce. Divorce isn’t to be taken lightly. In the Gospel, only one reason is given for divorce, which is “unchastity.” “Unchastity” can be interpreted as being unfaithful, not only in a sexual way, but in ways that contradict God’s design for marriage. For instance, abandoning a spouse, being abusive, being inattentive because one spouse is addicted to drugs or alcohol, these are examples of unfaithfulness in marriage, and grounds on which the Church today allows for divorce.
The most important goal in any life is salvation. The most important goal in any marriage is mutual salvation. When things happen in life that impede salvation, i.e. going back to the last reflection, if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out, then those things need to be eliminated. Sadly, but truthfully, in certain limited circumstances, marriage can become an impediment to salvation, which is why the Church, in its mercy but also in sobriety, allows for divorce. Whenever this happens, it is always done with some sense of mourning by the church, recognizing that God’s intention of a couple being together forever cannot be realized.
The reason why people get married has to do with need. The opposite of need is self-sufficiency. There are people who have a great need and desire to live in a married relationship. It becomes integral for their journey to salvation. Thus, the church allows for a second (and in certain instances a third) marriage for those who have been previously married.
The Mosaic Law made divorce easy to access. Jesus was calling people to a higher level of commitment in marriage, that divorce was the last option, not the first. We would certainly be wise to heed these words today, in a world where divorce seems to be quickly used as an option. The ideal of marriage is a beautiful thing. There are overtones of marriage in the ministry of Christ, that He is the bridegroom of the Church and we are the bride. His “marriage” to us is based on sacrifice, His sacrifice on the Cross. Our reaction is supposed to be one of love and loyalty. A good marriage is based on mutual sacrifice between husband and wife, each sacrificing for the good of the whole. The relationship should be one of love and loyalty as well.
Today’s Psalm is Psalm 128, which is sung at every wedding.
Blessed is everyone who fears the Lord, who walks in His ways! You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands; you shall be happy, and it shall be well with you. Your wife will be like a fruitful vine on the walls of your house; your children will be like young olive shoots around your table. Lo, thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord. The Lord bless you from Zion! May you see the prosperity of Jerusalem all the days of your life! May you see your children’s children! Peace upon Israel! Psalm 128
Point to ponder: For those who are married, does your marriage reflect God’s intention for marriage—love, loyalty, sacrifice, joy, commitment? If so, how can you strengthen these things? If not, how can you bring them back?
