My Struggle is too Ugly, so I Suffer in Silence

As a society, we tend to categorize and differentiate between struggles that are socially acceptable to discuss and those that aren’t.  Unfortunately, we know statistically that many people struggle with things that are seemingly unacceptable to discuss—pornography, infidelity, drug and alcohol abuse, suicidal ideation, and abortion, to name a few.  It’s not only these “bad” things that are kept in dark corners.  There are things where there is no blame to be cast where people still think they have to suffer in silence—A miscarriage is the first thing that comes to mind.  A surprising number of women have had them.  Surprisingly few are able to talk about them.  Menopause, intimacy problems, depression, anxiety, learning disabilities and other things are other issues that many people struggle with that also stay hidden.  Because we don’t talk about these things, it is easy to pretend they don’t exist and the cycle of avoidance and discouragement continues.

I’ve come to the conclusion that everyone has something they struggle with.  And that something might be a temporary something, and for some, their something is a permanent struggle.  I’ve also come to the conclusion that when we suffer in silence, our suffering is exacerbated, because in addition to the actual circumstance from which we suffer, we add loneliness and isolation to it.  When we enjoin others in the struggle, we benefit from encouragement, advice and sometimes even useful help in managing or conquering our challenge.  

Stoicism is viewed as a virtue by some.  Some people will say it’s not okay to cry or show weakness and will look down on those who do.  It is interesting to note that even Christ cried, on two occasions.  When His friend Lazarus died, Jesus went to the tomb and He wept there for His friend.  Those tears were genuine sorrow over a friend who had died.  Jesus didn’t act stoic.  He didn’t say “well, easy come, easy go.”  He genuinely mourned a friend whose life really mattered to Him.  

In the Garden of Gethsemane, shortly before His crucifixion, again Jesus cried, and this time He was meditating on His own death and is scared Him.  It made Him sorrowful.  He took three disciples—Peter, James and John—and He asked them to “watch” with Him.  He didn’t ask them to actually “do” anything, just to watch Him while He prayed, so that He would know that He was not alone.  Of course, we know that they fell asleep.  Watching proved to be difficult.

But there is a lesson here—If Jesus asked friends to “watch” with Him, why are we not doing the same?  Why do we suffer in silence?  We should ask trusted friends to help us, and if they are not able to help us, then at least “watch” with us, validate us, encourage us, and help us know that we are not alone in our struggles.  Today’s encouragement advice is to make a decision to not suffer in silence, and to consider asking others to help, and if not help, then to watch, to know your struggle so that they can encourage and validate, and also go to the Lord in prayer over your struggle.  The second piece of advice is to tell your friends that you are there for them, that if they are ever struggling with something, you want them to bring you in, so you can “watch” with them.  You can’t force anyone to lean on you, but you can create an environment in your life that will encourage those close to you to lean on you in their struggles.  Create an environment where people will recognize you as a “safe” person, a person who will make it safe to confide in, who can hold a confidence and who will not judge.

Offer to “watch” for your friends.  Ask them to “watch” with you as well.