Part IV—Relationships: Competitive, Cooperative, or Indifferent

We relate to one another generally in one of three ways—we are either cooperative, competitive, or indifferent in our relationships. A “competitive” relationship sees someone as an enemy to be defeated. There can be only one winner in a competition. So, when we compete with one another, there is going to be a winner and a loser. In the competition, there isn’t much room for love, because love is about giving rather than taking, building up rather than tearing down, about encouraging rather than beating someone. In a competitive relationship, there is going to be an emphasis on taking, tearing down and beating someone. Because the goal of competition is to win, and in order to win, someone else has to lose.

A relationship of “indifference” is in some ways worse than a relationship of competition. In a competitive relationship, there may be respect for an opponent. We find the opponent worthy of our competition. To be indifferent to someone means that we don’t even find them worthy to engage within competition. If someone doesn’t like another person, at least they have taken the time to evaluate the person in order to decide not to like him or her. In an indifferent relationship, a person isn’t even worth evaluating.

In the theme of this section on abstaining from evil, we should try to avoid being competitive or indifferent in our relationships.

The healthiest way to relate to someone is through “cooperation.” In a cooperative relationship, people encourage one another, bring out the best in one another, and see the best in one another. Forgiveness is easier in a cooperative relationship. So is honesty, trustworthiness, and so many other things.

If the major thrust of our life is happiness that can only be achieved through competition, then we’ve lived a rather narcissistic existence. Of course, there are ways to achieve happiness that do not involve competition. Sitting in front of the TV eating pizza with one’s family produces happiness without competition. That is a wholesome expression of happiness. Getting home quickly from work when there is no traffic produces happiness. However, trying to get home quicker while driving like a maniac in heavy traffic produces happiness through competition and ultimately narcissism.

This is not to say that competitive sports or other types of competition are bad things. Competition can be a healthy thing. But we also don’t generally have close relationships with members of the opposing team. There are certain things in life that are set up to be competitive in order to drive us to better ourselves at something. Relationships should not resemble sports teams. They are not meant to be competitive.

Our purpose in life, according to God, is to love God and to serve one another. God has given each of us the tools to do both. These tools differ from person to person. The fallen world also gives challenges to each of us in using our tools to love God and serve others. We each have “handicaps” and limitations that inhibit us at times, or at the very least challenge us. Our purpose in life is to live cooperatively with God and with one another, bringing out the best in one another.

The same three metrics—cooperation, competition, and indifference—can also be applied to our relationship with the Lord. Many are indifferent. There is no relationship. There is no involvement in a church community. There is no thought given to God’s purpose for our lives.

There are people, even people who faithfully attend church, who live in competition with God. They oppose Him all the time by the way they behave. Some may come to church as a way to “let God win sometimes” and keep the competition to a minimum, or even make it appear as if they are cooperative.

Those who relate to the Lord in a cooperative way work together with Him in worship, and most especially on days when they don’t worship. Because it is easy to look cooperative when everyone around us is cooperative. It is a challenge to be cooperative when we are not in church and are surrounded by situations that beckon us to be competitive.

I remember a line that a Bishop I used to work for used in his prayers: “Remember those who suffer because we are indifferent to them.” We have three choices in all relationships, from the person we are married to, to the person we work with, to the stranger in the car next to us on the highway—we can be competitive, indifferent, or cooperative. Psalm 133:1 tells us that it is a blessed thing when brothers live in unity. In other words, the Godly choice in relationships is to be cooperative.

Lord, thank You for the many relationships I have. Thank You for the people who are closest to me, who I see all the time (name them). Thank You for the people around me who I do not know, but who are helpful in my life (think of some of them, like your bank teller, the cashier at the grocery store, etc.). And thank You even for the people around me that I do not know, the total strangers that cross my path each day. In each of these relationships, give me a heart that seeks cooperation. Help me not to size everyone up as a competitor.  And remember Lord, all those who suffer because we are indifferent to them.  Amen.

Choose cooperation over competition and indifference!