Answer me when I call, O God of my right! Thou hast given me room when I was in distress. Be gracious to me, and hear my prayer. Psalm 4:1
For many people, the greatest challenge to faith comes in the form of unanswered prayer. We go to God in prayer, over and over again, we are specific in our requests, many of which are not outlandish or big, and we hear nothing, we receive nothing, the prayers go unanswered. Jesus says in Matthew 21:22, “And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive it, if you have faith.” That seems like a problematic verse, because there are many things people ask for in prayer, and they do not receive. There is the story of a Canaanite woman in Matthew 15. She beseeched Jesus to cure her daughter who was possessed by a demon. Jesus initially rebuffed her plea but eventually granted it. Was this to test her? Was this to show us that sometimes He tests us? Eventually He granted her prayer for healing for her daughter.
There are many of us who relate to this story of the Canaanite woman. We have asked. He hasn’t responded. We are still waiting. Unlike the Canaanite woman, whose request was eventually granted, we are wondering if our request will ever be granted. We’ve been told “lean into God, leave it all to Him.” The use of the word “we” is very intentional today. Because honestly, MY greatest challenge to faith has been unanswered prayers. I’ve served as a priest for over 26 years. I’ve been writing messages to the Prayer Team for nearly 10. And yes, in those years, including the last ten, there have been moments where I have doubted the efficacy of prayer, where I have failed to pray, and where I have even questioned the existence of God, specifically because of unanswered prayers. I hope you can appreciate that this is very difficult for me to write. After all, a priest is first and foremost a man of faith and a man of prayer and there have been times when I have felt that I am neither of these things. I have some prayers that God has never answered. I wonder if He will ever answer them. And these aren’t prayers for material gain or to change the world, just a couple of little tweaks to my life that most people wouldn’t even notice if they were granted.
So, what is it that keeps me coming back to God, even when I’m frustrated with the unanswered prayers? There are two things. First, I have such a deep faith in God that even though I am disappointed in Him not answering certain prayers, I still feel blessed by Him in so many ways. I have to think about all the prayers He HAS answered in my life, all the times when He helped turn my failure into success, when He helped me see the way that I couldn’t find on my own.
Second, I turn to the consummate prayer that Jesus taught us, the Lord’s Prayer, and four words in particular that are the hardest words to say in prayer: Thy will be done. If we really believe in God and we really pray “Thy will be done,” then we have to be open to the possibility that God answering our prayers the way we want them answered runs contrary to His will. Maybe He doesn’t want us to have the thing we are asking for. My spiritual father has taught me that there is a unique path to salvation for each of us, and just like the path the Christ took to Golgotha and so many of the paths the saints took to martyrdom, that road will have some sorrows on it. This doesn’t mean that the path to salvation must be filled with sorrow and no joy. However, the expectation of the completeness and perfection of heaven can only be sought after if there is a sense of incompleteness and imperfection on earth. The last words of the Lord’s Prayer ask God to “deliver us from evil.” That doesn’t mean He will deliver us from all stress or calamity. The ultimate deliverance from evil is to be delivered from death and taken to everlasting life. And ultimately, if this is the one prayer request that God grants us, that God grants me, I have to come to a place where I put that request ahead of all others and am willing to be patient through the other unanswered requests, trusting that He will answer the final one if I have the faith to accept the unanswered ones.
And finally, my understanding of prayer has changed as I have learned more about it. Many people look at prayer like a vending machine. We insert request, we receive it. If you insert money into a vending machine and it gives you the wrong thing or nothing, you will assume it is broken and not put any more money into it. This is why when we don’t receive the things we request in prayer, we sometimes might be tempted to think that God is broken, or absent, or not there at all, and not invest more. Prayer, however, is not an exchange of requests and gifts between us and God. Prayer is coming into the presence of God, without expectation, just with joy of being in His presence. Prayer is an act of surrender, where we place ourselves into the hands of God and ask for nothing more than His will to be done in our lives. This is why the Lord’s Prayer is the consummate prayer and if we really understood what we were saying and really believe it, there would be no need for other prayers. Prayer is not about the words, how many we offer. It is about being in the presence of God, bringing the deepest thoughts of our hearts to Him, and placing them before Him and asking for His will to be done with them.
There are so many things that can be written about prayer, and so many better things that have been written about it, much more profound than anything I could write. I still struggle with this challenge to faith and I probably always will. I may not always feel like a man of prayer, but I do feel like a man of effort. It takes effort for me to pray, but I make the effort. One other important note is that we shouldn’t be praying for a feeling, because if we rely on feelings, when the feeling we want isn’t there, it is another temptation to stay away from prayer. Prayer is an intentional choice to be in the presence of God, and that choice is one we can make regardless of how we are feeling, and regardless of whether our requests have been answered in the way we hoped they would be.
Lord, You have given us an example in prayer, for us to submit “Thy will be done.” You have always told us to ask in prayer and we will receive what we ask for. This creates confusion at times, why prayer requests are not answered all the time. Help me Lord, to focus more on Your will being done, and in the ultimate request, which is to be remembered in Your Kingdom. Help me not to be discouraged when I can’t understand Your will. Help me to cope with unanswered prayers, but giving me faith to keep turning to You and to keep trusting in You. However You choose to answer my prayers, please make Yourself known to me in concrete ways that build my faith. Let Your will be done in my life today! Amen.
Keep showing up in prayer. We may not always pray with confidence, or even with joy, but keep showing up. Knowing that God might not acquiesce to every prayer request, pray and hope He will see your faith and acquiesce to the ultimate request, the prayer to enter into His Kingdom. Until then, focus on “Thy will be done!”
