A man had two sons; and he went to the first and said, “Son, go and work in the vineyard today.” And he answered, “I will not”; but afterward he repented and went. And he went to the second and said the same; and he answered, “I go, sir” but did not go. Which of the two did the will of his father?” They said, “The first.” Jesus said to them, “Truly, I say to you, the tax collectors and the harlots go into the kingdom of God before you. For John came to you in the way of righteousness, and you did not believe him, but the tax collectors and harlots believed him; and even when you saw it, you did not afterward repent and believe. Matthew 21:28-32
I read a book entitled “Addicted to the Monkey Mind: Changing the Programming that Sabotages Your Life” by J. F. Benoist. The thesis of this book is that we each have two competing voices in our head, a monkey mind and an observing mind. The monkey mind are voices from our past, many put there by our parents, that guide the narrative of our lives at present. For instance, if our parents told us “be careful, you’ll fail,” then as an adult, most likely people will approach decisions expecting to fail. If a dad tells his son never to cry when the boy skins his knees, when he becomes a man he may think it’s never okay to cry and he will not be emotionally balanced. The observing mind, on the other hand, is not handicapped by voices of the past and treats opportunities and challenges with a sense of possibility rather than resignation.
We are constantly writing the narrative of our lives and accumulating new voices of the monkey mind. For instance, a husband may lose the trust of his wife because he spends too many hours at the office. Then he does a better job of coming home earlier and spending more time with family. All seems well. Occasionally he does have to work late. However, each time it happens, his wife starts to not trust him again, because she is stuck in a narrative that he works too much and doesn’t prioritize his family. No matter what he does, he can’t seem to change her narrative.
The same thing can be said for the husband who feels neglected by his wife because she puts all her energy on the kids and never has energy left for him. She works hard to leave energy for him but many times something does come up. Even when they have a date night, he has a hard time relaxing because he thinks inevitably something will come up, she’ll cancel the date and go home early. She can’t seem to change his narrative.
Today’s Scripture passage is about two sons who rewrote their story. One corrected a mistake, while the other flaked on a commitment. A father addressed his two sons, asking each to go work in the vineyard. The first son refused, but later repented and went to work in the vineyard. The second agreed to go, but later did not go. The father, in his mind, had a narrative going about each son—he must have been disappointed in the first son, and pleased with the second. Imagine if he was stuck in that narrative. He would have been disappointed, despite the repentance of the first son.
This passage is encouragement to rewrite our narratives when they are wrong. When we’ve done wrong to someone, we should repent and do better. When we have been wronged by someone, we should allow them to repent.
It is not a stretch to say that I have sinned against and disappointed everyone I’ve ever known for any significant amount of time. It’s inevitable that anyone we spend a significant amount of time with we will wrong at some point. So, who are the people we wrong the most? Our spouses, our children, our parents, our close friends, our bosses. If it very easy to get stuck in a negative narrative with the people we are around the most.
We read in Psalm 130:3-4: If Thou, O Lord, shouldst mark iniquities, Lord, who could stand? But there is forgiveness with thee. Imagine if the Lord kept a narrative going on each of us, based on our iniquities. As we read in the Psalm, none of us would stand a chance before Him. If we hope for mercy from the Lord, we should extend mercy to one another. If we don’t want the Lord to get stuck in a negative narrative about us, we should be willing to change the negative narrative we have on each other.
One of the greatest gifts we can give one another is to allow someone to rewrite their narrative through repentance. And to offer forgiveness and mercy. One of the most humbling and vulnerable things we can do is ask for forgiveness and ask to rewrite our narrative. Ideally, both parties work in sync for this to happen, one offering repentance while the other offers forgiveness. This is done with humility, trust and patience.
Lord, please give me the humility to see when I have done wrong. Please give me the courage to repent. Please give me the grace to offer forgiveness to others. Help us to rewrite bad narratives and to see others in Your Light. Amen.
The negative narrative can be rewritten through forgiveness and repentance.
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