Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
Matthew 5:4
Why would Jesus call those who mourn blessed? Isn’t there enough mourning in the world? There is a difference between grieving and mourning. Grief is an inner feeling of sorrow that we experience upon a death or loss. Mourning is outward expression of these feelings of grief through tears. Comfort comes not from having inner feelings of sorrow (grief) but in expressing outwardly those feelings of grief through mourning, i.e. tears. Tears of grief begin the healing process. When inner grief is expressed outwardly through mourning (tears), one begins to experience the gift of God’s comfort. Healing comes when tears are shed and shared with a spouse or special friend, or spiritual father (another benefit of confession).
In many writings, we read references to “the gift of tears.” Now, in their perfect state, Adam and Eve did not have tears, nor were they needed. But in leaving Paradise, God gave them the gift of tears as a way to return. Tears are indeed a gift of God. St. John Cassian (4th Century) suggests four reasons for tears—recollection of one’s sins; contemplation of future glory, tears of joy; fear of hell and judgment; sorrow of the righteous for sins of others. We mourn for not only our personal sins. We mourn for the sinful age in which we live.
In Greek, the word penthos is used to refer to “mourning”. Penthos is Godly sorrow that ultimately leads to union with God. Lipi (pain) ultimately leads to despair, since it is earthly sorrow. Just as a dirty garment cannot be washed without water, a dirty soul cannot be cleansed without tears. Confession draws out tears many times. Tears are often an answer to guilt as we cry tears of repentance. Great Lent has been described as a time of “gladsome mourning” or “joyful sadness”, because it is a time to repent, and offer tears of repentance.
Tears play a role in the Bible. After denying Christ, Peter went out and wept bitterly, and those tears led to his repentance and forgiveness by the Lord. Peter was then restored and became the leader of the Christian Church. Jesus wept three times—over His friend Lazarus who had died; over the unbelief of Jerusalem; and over the sins of humanity in the Garden of Gethsemane. So tears are a good thing, and those who shed tears of repentance will be comforted. That’s why confession is good, why honest grief is good, and why true repentance is necessary through the guidance of the church (confession, spiritual father) rather than alone.
The Greek word for comfort is parakaleo. The derivatives of this refer to the Holy Spirit as Paraclete or comforter. And we have a service in time of sorrow called Paraklesis which written to bring comfort in times of sorrow or distress.
I can’t tell you how cathartic it is for me to cry tears of repentance in confession. Many people are “too proud to cry,” and I can’t disagree more with them. Tears are a gift from God. If we weren’t meant to cry, He wouldn’t have given us this gift. So cry away—for joy, for sorrow, for hope, for repentance. But don’t cry alone—this is where we must help our neighbors, to hear their sorrows. This is where we must trust in our church—to hear our cries and comfort us.
In recent years, I have told people coming to confession “This is a safe place, no judgment. I love and respect you now and I’ll love and respect you when you are done.” And just offering a safe space causes many people to cry. This is probably for two reasons. People don’t have safe spaces where they can speak their mind without fear of judgment or reprisal. And people don’t have safe spaces where they can cry without judgment. Perhaps one of the greatest gifts we can offer someone else is the opportunity to express emotion, especially tears, without fear of judgment or someone breaking a confidence. Perhaps people don’t see mourning as a virtue precisely because it is not comforted by others. We know that God comforts those who cry tears of repentance. We can be helpful by comforting those who cry tears of sorrow.
I will extol Thee, O Lord, for Thou has drawn me up, and hast not let my foes rejoice over me. O Lord my God, I cried to Thee for help, and Thou hast healed me. O Lord, Thou hast brought up my soul from Sheol, restored me to life among those gone down to the Pit. Sing Praises to the Lord, O you His saints, and give thanks to His Holy Name. Sing praises to the Lord, O you His saints, and give thanks to His holy name. For His anger is but for a moment, and His favor is for a lifetime. Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning. As for me, I said in my prosperity, “I shall never be moved.” By Thy favor, O Lord, Thou hadst established me as a strong mountain; Thou didst hide Thy face, I was dismayed. To Thee, O Lord, I cried; and to the Lord I made supplication: “What profit is there in my death, if I go down to the Pit? Will the dust praise Thee? Will it tell of Thy faithfulness? Hear, O Lord, and be gracious to me! O Lord, be Thou my helper!” Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing; Thou hast loosed my sackcloth and girded me with gladness, that my soul may praise Thee and not be silent. O Lord, my God, I will give thanks to Thee forever. Psalm 30
Point to ponder: Think of a time when you mourned. How has mourning brought you closer to God and others? In what ways have suffering and difficulties brought new openings in your spiritual life? Can you describe a time when God comforted you?
