But I have trusted in Your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.
Psalm 13:5
If everything was known, there would be no need for faith. Faith is believing even when things are unknown. The more uncertain a situation is, the more faith seems to be required. And because faith is trusting in what is not known, the greater the unknown, the more faith we need.
I know that the chair I’m sitting in will hold my weight. No faith is required to sit on it. I strongly believe my car will start the next time I get in it. Now, my car is aging, so there is always the possibility that it won’t start. And if it doesn’t, I can get it repaired, call an uber, or buy a new car. Still, there is no faith involved. I believe my son will graduate from college in a few years—but if he doesn’t, it might take him a little longer, or he might drop out and get a job, his life will go a different direction. Not as much faith is required. An older person who gets sick may or may not recover. If they don’t recover and die, that is not because of lack of faith, it is a natural consequence of getting older. It will happen to all of us.
It is when we hit a snag on something unforeseen and unnatural, this is where faith really comes in. Sometimes things happen to good people that just don’t make any sense at all. For instance, take the story of St. Nektarios. St. Nektarios was in line to become Patriarch of Africa, but because of politics in the church he did not get the position. I remember watching this story unfold in the movie “Man of God” a few years ago, which was about the life of St. Nektarios, and thinking to myself, “why would God let this happen to St. Nektarios? Had he become Patriarch, the Gospel would surely have advanced to a greater degree on the African continent? If God was ever going to make something happen, why not this?” What happened made no sense from a human perspective and not even from God’s perspective, it would seem.
The story of St. Nektarios might be over. Same with the stories of those who persecuted him. But the story of Orthodoxy in Africa continues. And perhaps when the history is written about the Orthodox Church in Africa, hundreds of years from now, when we are all gone, maybe the blip of St. Nektarios will actually make sense in a way that it doesn’t now.
This is what is so challenging about trusting in God, especially in the moments of the most uncertainty. We don’t know the whole story—not the whole story of our lives. Not the whole story of salvation. Not the whole story of humanity that will continue long after we are gone. All we know is that we are part of the story of salvation. We know that there is a path to salvation for each of us. Why our stories go the routes they go sometimes is something known only by God. Why does my story take me through Florida, when I grew up in California? Why do I have certain gifts and other gifts elude me? These are things that are only known by God. The goal in life is not to find answers to all the questions, but to do our best in the circumstances life presents to us.
There are many instances in life where we feel like we can’t take another step, or the mountain we have to climb seems impossible. These are the times we pray for God not to conquer the mountain, but simply to be able to take another step forward. There is nothing wrong with crying out to God with a sense of uncertainty, or even sadness. God is great—He can handle both. Faith is continuing to cry out to God, even in uncertainty and sadness.
I believe in God. There is no doubt in my mind that God exists, and that God is great. Where doubt creeps in is in regards to trusting in the goodness of God, specifically towards me, when life gets hard. I don’t doubt the goodness of God towards others, and even towards me. There is ample evidence of both. But there are moments when things don’t go the way I’d hope they’d go when I wonder about God’s goodness towards me, why He won’t allow certain things to happen. We all have these moments. The real test of faith is pushing through, and even learning to thrive in these moments. The opening verses of Psalm 13 says How long, O Lord? Wilt Thou forget me forever? How long wilt Thou hide Thy face form me? How long must I bear pain in my soul, and have sorry in my heart all the day? (Psalm 13:1-2) We’ve all had this lament at times. The faithful resolution to this lament found in the concluding verses of the Psalm: But I have trusted in Thy steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in Thy salvation. I will sing to the Lord, because He has dealt bountifully with me. (Psalm 13:5-6) To trust in the Lord is the goal, and to be able to continually sing to the Lord, even see something bountiful in a time of want is what true faith is.
How long, O Lord? Wilt Thou forget me forever? How long wilt Thou hide Thy face from me? How long must I bear pain in my soul, and have sorrow in my heart all the day? Consider and answer me, O Lord my God; lighten my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death; let my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him”; lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken. But I have trusted in Thy steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in Thy salvation. I will sing to the Lord, because He has dealt bountifully with me. Psalm 13
Reflection question: What would it look like to trust God’s love in the place where I feel most uncertain?
